She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
