Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Hippo gnu deer
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
