i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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