y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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