i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
