he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
