ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
She's like a pop up book from hell.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
