How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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