it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
