i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
