those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
