I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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