No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
