apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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