So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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