i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Randomize
