I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
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