While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
