so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Actions speak louder than pants.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
