I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
