We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
