forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
