is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
