You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
