she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
