We won't sleep together?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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