You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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