is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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