so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
