I want you more than these girls want KFC
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize