i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
