does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The feeling are messing with the penis
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize