Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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