Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
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