i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
