Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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