I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
