Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
porn star boner night. come get it.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
