dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize