"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
