Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize