when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
