Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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