Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
