I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
