covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
