You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
