You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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