it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
