So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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