i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
