Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
