That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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