Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
