your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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