I cannot find my penis.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
