I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
