Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I think my nap took me to another dimension
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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