my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
