last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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