I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
