I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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