Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
