apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
