oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
