my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
