my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
