could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
