...so i touched it.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We are two peas in an std pod
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
