idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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