I seem to have left my pride at pride
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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