420 ftw
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
