you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
