you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize