Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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