i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize