You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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