I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
