i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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