it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
