In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
