I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
