sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
