Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
where are my eyebrows?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
