Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Your dad touched me again.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
