one word: firstdatebathroomanal
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
