My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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