Just fell off a train. Bad.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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