just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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