even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
