Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
