i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
