yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
