I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
