I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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