dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
