textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
